An Ache in My Soul

Today is a difficult day. I'm not sure why, it started out the same as any other day, but today there seems to be a deeper ache in my soul. An aching and longing to hold my son in Africa just as I am holding Kipton now. My heart was not prepared for this sort of turmoil. To know that my second son is living half a world away without my hugs, encouragement and love is truly breaking my heart.

This adoption is so different than my pregnany with Kipton. He and I had a special bond from the moment he was conceived. I was comforted knowing that my body was keeping him alive and growing. He was warm and comfortable in my womb. He could be lulled to sleep by the thuds of my heartbeat and the muffled voices of his mom and dad. He was secure. We even had a timeline as to when we could expect to welcome him into our family. We prepared during those months of pregnancy to make sure he had everything he would need and more when he was born. It was predictable, comfortable and natural.

Kade's entrance is far from predictable and that doesn't make for a very comforted mama. I know that he is probably already born to a woman who won't be able to keep him. This woman will love my son without a doubt for he is her son too, but she'll have to make a great sacrafice to give him a chance at a better life. For whatever reason, be it severe poverty, sickness, AIDS, she will not be the one he calls mama. I will, but I do not know when that day will be. I do not know if he has the comforts of knowing the love of family or the luxury of a warm bed and full belly. I do not know if he will immediately form a special bond with me or if my voice will lull him to sleep, like Kipton. I do not know if he will find comfort in me. However, I do know that my heart wants to fly to Africa and hold every little boy who might could be mine and try to offer comfort and hope. I do know that no matter how long this process may seem with no end in sight, God sees the end. He knows the exact month, day, hour and second when Trey and I will lay eyes on Kade and embrace him as our son. He knows every single circumstance that is leading up to Kade's relinquishment from his birth mom and adoption into our family. He knows the longing of my heart and He is the only one who I can find comfort in.

He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.
2 Corinthians 1:4

LORD, you know the hopes of the helpless. Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them.
Psalm 10:17

Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.
Deuteronomy 31:8


Dear Kade,
Mommy, Daddy and Kipton think about you every day. We are constantly praying for your health, comfort, safety and quick arrival in your new family. It will be a joyous day when you are finally a Phillips. We love you more than you can imagine.
xoxo

December Giveaway & Holiday Ornaments

December is officially upon us! Let the giveaway begin!!

This months giveaway is Photo Session at any desired Charleston location with Christine Smith Photography! You can check out her work here. On top of having a free session fee at any location, you will also get a package of high quality prints. (one 11x14, one 8x10, and two 5x7's)

The photo session giveaway is $5 per entry. You can enter through the paypal "donate" button to your left. You can also gain additional entries by sharing the blog/giveaway on your Facebook, Twitter or your own blog. (Just make sure to let me know how you shared.)

The giveaway will end at midnight on December 20th and we will announce th winner on December 21st!

Here are some of our Christmas pictures Christine shot...

If you're outside of the Charleston area but would still like to help support our adoption, we are also selling holiday ornaments in December.

The ornaments have a variety of designs...
Adopt
Hope
Love
Joy
John 14:18
James 1:27
2011
Ho Ho Ho
...and more.
Africa is incorporated on each ornament and they are all adorned with a bow and tweed hanging hoop.

The ornaments are $5 each (additional $2.50 shipping). For each ornament sold $3 will benefit our adoption and $2 will be donated to UNICEF to help feed the children in the horn of Africa. So not only are you getting a beautiful custom ornament, you are also supporting adoption and UNICEF!

If you wish to purchase ornaments, you may do so through the paypal "donate" button. When you're checking out send a note with description of the ornaments you want along with shipping name & address.

Merry Christmas everyone!